Why Are We Participating In This?

Lately, I’ve been hearing a lot about how humans are experiencing an epidemic of loneliness. Everyone seems to be talking about it!  A recent trip to my neighborhood CVS reminded me of this and got me thinking about the lack of personal interaction that is now so common.  Connection is what we’re wired for, and we need it for survival, yet it’s becoming more and more rare.   Let me recount that visit to my local pharmacy, which describes exactly what I’m talking about.

Passing through the revolving door of my neighborhood corner CVS, I see there is no one behind the counter, however there is an armed guard with a Perm-scowl on his face standing off to the side.  Mr. Guard seems to be the only person in charge, as it appears there are no employees in the store.  After walking down several aisles looking for what I came here for, I do see one employee restocking the shelves. She doesn’t greet me nor ask if I require help, so it would seem her only reason for being there is to make sure the shelves display what the self-serving customers require.

Finding what I came for, it’s time to head to the counter. Big surprise, it’s self-check-out! I get in line behind the only other customer in the store, who looks very much like they are wearing the typical uniform these days – pajamas!

Not sure what to call this trend of extreme casual clothing as an option for a public outing, but I’ll save that for another newsletter.  I ring up my own merchandise, tap the screen for which method of payment I’ll be using, grab my receipt, and I’m out the door. Some may feel this is a model of efficiency and a solution to companies facing a lack of even remotely qualified employees. I think it’s tragic.

Dining out in the new minimal service environment has the same effect.  Ever since the COVID-19 lockdowns, restaurants now only seem to have a host greet you and show you to your table, but after that, it’s all on YOU. The menu is a QR code affixed to the table that I must scan with my phone. I also place my order and pay from my phone, which is the last thing I want to do after being on my phone all day as a busy Realtor.  I’d like to feel like I can set that thing down occasionally! At some point, my food arrives via food runner, who quickly places the food on the table so they can run back to repeat this task again and again.  

Back in the day, even the average restaurants I’ve frequented had a staff person or owner in front of the house that made the experience noteworthy.  A warm smile, a handshake, or even a hug with questions about the family and neighborhood created a sense of humanity that is hard to find nowadays.  A full service, well engaged staff at a restaurant is such a pleasure.   When we’re out with our adult offspring and are lucky enough to get some human interaction at an eatery, apparently the way to order is to suggest to the waitstaff that you are going to DO something.  For example, they might say, “I am going to DO the hemp and chocolate infused IPA, then I am going to DO the lobster mac”.  I try to explain the correct use of DO as an action verb by proposing they “DO” the bill.

Based on the above two isolating experiences, I can see why someone would simply resort to ordering what they would usually buy at CVS from Amazon.  Although CVS is necessary for those late-night cough medicine runs, they are ultimately playing into the Amazon trap. By streamlining their business by reducing the number of employees, thereby reducing costs, thereby reducing prices for customers, they end up creating a user experience that drives consumers to Amazon. The ease and efficiency of placing an online order for goods from the comfort of your home – in your pajamas – makes this a no-brainer. Amazon is primed (no pun intended) for growth in a market where we’ve subconsciously begun to value isolation. Who even needs to deal with the self-checkout at CVS, where you can get what you want within hours without having to see anyone.

Although we love to gather with our family and friends for a meal out, the new dining experience would also make one reconsider dining out altogether.  Restaurants seem busier than ever, but it would be hard to blame someone for wanting to stay in.  The current retail experience, which exploded during COVID-19, is the perfect storm for driving the demand for Amazon and home food delivery service. We must resist this temptation! It won’t be long before CVS is one large vending machine with retinal or fingerprint scans for your prescriptions and everything else you could want, all delivered at the bottom of a storefront interface.

Connection is why remote work is not great (see my previous article on why I am a hard no on remote work).  Great things happen when people physically come together; after all, Lin-Manuel Miranda wrote the smash hit, “The Room Where It Happens” talking about this very thing. Being in the same room with someone cannot be value engineered. Collaboration, inspiration, competition, and mentorship are not done over the screen.  Another real reason to go to work is the possibility of romance, which I know something about.

If you can now work from home in your pajamas, why change out of them to go down to the store?   If you can pick up your phone and order dinner delivered, why make the effort to change and meet up with your friends? Just stay in your PJ’s until you need some Tums from CVS after eating that spicy curry from the comfort of your sofa in front of the TV.  It’s the coup de grâce of isolationist forces! In the words of Conor McGregor, you’re “fooked”.

We, as a society, cannot be fully blamed for our addiction to some of the best streaming content that has been created since the inception of the television.  Most movie theaters won’t survive because of these trends. I grew up going to the Parkway Theatre on Clark near Diversey.  The memories of watching Enter the Dragon, It’s Alive, and Car wash cannot be duplicated on any television no matter how big the screen is.  The amount of money and advertising aimed at keeping you glued to your screen is akin to a casino. Once you’re in, they do everything in their power to keep you there.  The result is people who don’t feel the need to leave their house.

In the short term this may not have been intended, but what it has become is an epidemic of loneliness.  All the above market forces make it seem natural to do what seems easy and comfortable, and we humans love the path of least resistance, but nothing great comes from easy and comfortable.  Don’t be conned into believing that this is the new, evolved way to live.  You are here because your ancestors beat the odds of war, famine, disease and left you with an immune system that would not have been created stuck in a cave somewhere.  The very least you can do is explore, engage and socialize; not just with friends but anyone you run into. What excites me is wondering who may cross my path each day.  At the very least, it is proven you will live longer by doing these things.  

I challenge you to step away from the TV and your phone. Put actual clothes on; the kind meant to be worn outdoors. Say hello to each person who walks past you – before they say it to you! Ask a stranger where they’re from. Compliment someone! Engage in what has sustained our species:  connection with one another.  If you happen to see me at CVS in my pajamas, disheveled and unshaven in line at the self-checkout with my best friend Wilson tucked under my arm; know that they’ve got me. You have my permission to call for an extraction of me out of this weird matrix to anywhere there are people talking to one another.

Watch for an upcoming series entitled, “Conversations with Strangers”, inspired by that trip to CVS and the ways I’m personally taking action in my own life to find and make connections with others. Hopefully it will inspire you to do the same! Landing in your inbox, February 20th.