What are you going to leave behind

Not too long ago, a fellow realtor from another firm called me. She needed some advice and we at one point worked for the same firm, and we stayed in contact.  She had listed a house in Beverly Shores where the owner had recently passed away. The wife had passed away, and their only son had passed away before them. This left the only remaining heir, which was the widowed daughter-in-law.  The home you see was filled with all the furniture and personal belongings of the couple that occupied the home for over 40 years. This included a library full of books, all in Lithuanian. A desk full of letters, including one that appeared to be left in the middle of its drafting. Items also included a large closet full of slides of photos. Most of these photos were of this family on vacation over many years.  It would be impossible for the broker to sell the home filled with these items. The walls were filled with artwork, most of it appeared to be a bit more contemporary from the 1970s. Mostly Eastern European artists.

I offered a solution. I would pay 1500.00 for the contents of the house and whatever I wanted to keep was mine and the rest I would dispose of.  The daughter-in-law agreed, and I hired a few people to remove the contents and take the artwork and a few pieces of furniture to my warehouse.  

During this entire process, there was a sense of sadness that was at first hard to put my finger on. It then occurred to me. This family's entire history was going to end up in a landfill. It was not just this family, but the story of the family they left behind to start their life in America. The fact that no one wanted a single item from what was the total of their lives was hard to imagine. One of the paintings that came off their wall hangs in my cottage in Northern Michigan. I look at it every once in a while and I say his name, as if then somehow he and his family are not forgotten.

I would find myself in a similar situation as my wife and I found ourselves caring for an old friend who also lost his wife a few years ago and is estranged from his only child. Again I found myself in a home filled with several lifetimes of items including, family photos of parents and friends,  letters, and postcards. All of which no one wanted to claim.  I had to sell his home to provide the money that would be needed to care for him and not put him in a nursing home. This got a bit more personal since we had been friends for over 15 years. What was I to do with an old military uniform, letters from his mother, and law school classmates?  I decided to try to keep a few things, but it would be impossible to go through everything.

Again, several dumpsters later would leave me with the same thoughts of the Beverly Shores home. Didn't these people's lives mount to something more that needed to be preserved? Would it be like they did not exist if no one was going to take possession of these items? I was telling my wife about these thoughts, and she did not take long to respond.  You are putting too much emphasis on the items themselves. She said there can only be an attachment to the items if memories and experiences were created that then make the items important to them (she's smarter than me).  I then began to think about my children.

I had a decision to make early on in my career that put work ahead of memories and experiences. There was a financial commitment to putting five through private high school and college. I justified this by saying I would get all these bills paid for and build a nice little nest egg that would then allow me to roll the clock back a bit and spend more time with them. The caveat is that I would not get hit by a bus and stay healthy to be able to execute this plan.  The flaw in my logic is clear. We are not promised one more day, one more minute, one more time to see them. I should have been creating memories and experiences all along the way and not deferring these crucial moments.

Right now, I might be in the same boat as my two friends above. Who would want my vintage watch collection without some memories and experiences that would create value for these things?  In the end, what are you leaving behind? Will your relatives clamor for pieces of your items to cherish because of the memories and experiences, or will a realtor like myself show up with the dumpsters?