Why easy is not your friend

In March 2018 we took on a renovation project that drew laughs from the locals and some tears from my wife. The 9 acres in Maple City Michigan was being sold for land value since the structure on it was well beyond gone and was a liability for the sale. Located just ½ mile from M22 and situated perfectly between Leland and Glen Arbor I would get no fight on location just my idea of fixing the structure.

Naïve, crazy, brave and I am sure a few more choice words my wife might have. The task daunting but this did not deter my plans. A second home on 9 acres in the coveted Leelanau Peninsula for under 100K. In discussions with the children of my plans I could see the usual look. Another one of mike’s crazy-ass ideas. In soliciting help the response from all but one was “call us when its done”.

Griffin jumped in and in the first Summer with just electricity and a newly functioning toilet stayed at the property for a month working on it. We got updates via Facetime and drove up nearly every weekend to work on the dream. We would leave Friday early afternoon and arrive after a 4-hour drive to get 4-5 hours of work in. We would stay at a hotel and then work all day Saturday spend the night and work for a while on Sunday before we headed back home. The early work was a lot of demo and cleanup which was hard labor filling over 4 dumpsters with nearly a century of hoarded material and garbage. Griffin took a strong interest and began to figure out how to run electric and do some basic plumbing. He spent time walking the entire 9 acres and began to identify the old-growth trees. With no hot water in the early days Griffin would simply head down to Bohemian beach for a quick dip into the Northern Michigan cold lake water. There were setbacks and a few injuries that would leave a bit of blood in the soil and some splinters in his hands. All would serve as a reminder of a worthy struggle.

Eventually, we would have all the comforts of home with a washer and dryer, two bathrooms and a full working kitchen. It was only after this that the other children decided to take an interest in the property. The phone calls would come. We want to go up to Michigan with a few of our friends. No accommodation was denied. They would visit the vineyards and go to the beach and sit out on the deck and enjoy a night filled with an ocean of stars.

In listening and watching their experience one thing could not be more apparent. Griffin’s level of appreciation and enjoyment of the property far exceeded that of the other children. For them, it was a cool place to take their friends and enjoy the area. There was not an emotional connection or sense of buyin or sacrifice for the thing they were enjoying. Griffin said one night at the bonfire.” You guys better not ever sell this place” It made me feel sorry that the other children were robbed of this sense of ownership and accomplishment. All the property is to them is a vacation spot they get to use whenever they want.

The best way I know how to explain this is this. The ease at which something is obtained is directly proportional to the value held for that thing. The easier obtained the less value held. My advice to anyone helping form a child’s life is that easy is not their friend. Don’t try to make something easier for them. Difficult and sometimes painful is good. I can remember one Summer with my grandfather who hated to see us sit around would invent things for us to do. He decided that he didn’t like the driveway, so he made the three of us break it up and pour a new one. The problem was we could only mix so much cement a day, so we had to do it in patches. I am sure it looked worse than the old one but getting it completed and putting our initials in the concrete was joyful after the hard work.

There is something about building something or fixing something when parents do this with their children. They will bitch and moan on the way but watch their eyes as the task is complete and they get to see the finished product. Maybe this is something like a new fence that they get to see every day. These events are so much better than and different than chores assigned to them. First, its time spent with the most important people in their lives with some difficult things to do and gratification for the work done. This is the secret sauce or trifecta of time well spent. I also want to advocate for those of you out there that can take some of your time and share with children who are missing a parent or children in need of direction. You will rarely get an argument from a child of a broken home about getting involved with a project or work to get done. Do not underestimate your impact in the time that you can afford to spend.

With lots of easy going around maybe it’s time pick up that sledgehammer and break up the driveway.